“God, I really need new friends!” I prayed under my breath but I didn't mean it. My heart objected. Who else could I call fat and weak and still have them show up in all black everything to help me stakeout my husband? With the exception of Rachel’s neon pink wig, we were doing alright for amateurs.
I watched from the window. There Amadi stood over his printer, pulling off what seemed to be his daily attendance report. I had seen plenty of them at my house, in his car, and in his suitcase. “Why the hell would you be working late, boy? What’s really real? What are you doing in the day? I don’t get it.”<op></op>
He was dressed in what he left the house in. He still had on his wedding band. I watched him as he organized, and put the reports in some type of order, and punched holes in them. He filed them away in a 3 ring binder that was thicker than my wrist, shelved it, and then went back to the printer where more papers were being pulled off. So diligent. <op></op>
I made my way back to the car, and hopped in, greeted with silence from my accomplices.
“He’s working. I feel this big." I held my thumb and index finger half an inch apart.<op></op>
“I started to leave you, trick.” Sam put the key into the ignition.<op></op>
“What for?” Sam’s face read that I was unbelievable and likely about to get the cursing of my life. “What? What I do?”
“I think I’m getting a cold,” Rachel mumbled. While she was here in body, her mind was at the nearest plate of chicken strips. Unfed, she was useless. “Should have stayed my butt home.”<op></op>
Sam shrugged. “You really don’t get yourself. There is no processing time between what happens at your brain and what comes out of your mouth.”<op></op>
“Ooh.” Rachel sat up and nodded between the front seats. “That’s a good way to put it. She ain’t even lying.”<op></op>
“And you supposed to be ‘Miss Christian.’ Miss ‘I Love the Lord He Heard My Cry.’ I can’t tell!”<op></op>
The expletive use of air quotes to describe my relationship with God was starting to get real old. Fast. <op></op>
“Are you calling me out? Are you calling me a hypocrite?”<op></op>
“I’m saying you got much talk and not so much walk. If that’s a hypocrite then, hey…”<op></op>
“Because I was telling you the truth about your weight? You do need to watch the things that you eat!” <op></op>
Rachel gasped. “Cadence No Middle Name Cunningham, you called the girl fat?”<op></op>
“Yes, she did!”<op></op>
“I did not call her fat. She was heaving across that grass, sounding like a linebacker recovering from a play!”<op></op>
Rachel pointed toward the grass. “That’s a long way to walk, and a lot of muscle to engage, Cay-cay. Y’all looked like Militia at training camp.”<op></op>
“I’m concerned about her—I’m concerned about your health Samantha. I need my girls. I need y’all around for a long time.” <op></op>
“Yeah, but it’s how you say stuff. I know people in the streets who don’t know nothing about your God who treat me better sometimes, man. You the one supposed to be different. If you wasn't my supervisor, I woulda been took you to the parking lot at Providiem.”<op></op>
Rach snickered in the back seat. Sam concealed her own laughter.
I didn't laugh because I knew the looks that Sam had given me.
Fine. General apology mode activated. “Well, I’m sorry.”<op></op>
“Sorry for what?” Rachel prompted. <op></op>
I sighed and looked at the ceiling of Sam’s Nissan Altima. “I’m sorry for calling you fat. You just superfine.”<op></op>
“Aaaand?” Rachel pushed. <op></op>
“And I'm sorry for being so critical.”<op></op>
I looked between the two of them. “And for not being a good example of God’s love and light? I don’t know. I’m just sorry!”<op></op>
“And if you say aaaaaand one more time, I’m going to knock the Nekot cookies out of you.” <op></op>
We all laughed and then that quiet strangeness that followed certain apologies came in. I guess they were wondering if I was going to stay true to my word. Shoot, I was wondering if I was going to stay true to my word. Sam and I hugged it out.<op></op>
“Can we go home now?” <op></op>
I was satisfied that Amadi’s tricking wasn’t happening at the school. He seemed behind in his work in fact, but I was not convinced that his hands were clean. I would have to think of another way to corner him.